Handling Homework

I've had some Q&A sessions on my blog lately, and I thought this post about school and how to handle homework would be appropriate here as well.

Do you homeschool your children or send them to public school and why?

It's probably obvious by now that I don't homeschool my children. We live in an area with very good schools with great and dedicated teachers who have always done a great job nurturing and loving my children. I could see situations where I would want or need to homeschool and I think I could do it if necessary, but I'm grateful I don't need to. My children are getting a wonderful education and I'm very thrilled about it. I've mentioned before that they go to a charter school, which for us means homework, strong emphasis in academics, uniforms (eh -- not my favorite thing, but not so bad either), and lots of great programs. My daughter's been involved in early morning orchestra for three years, my son was able to do track after school, and in general, we love our school and we love our teachers.

Even if the charter school were not an option, I'd still send my kids to school. The local elementary schools are very good as well, and Lillian spent two years in our regular school before we moved her to the charter school. Our main reason for moving her was that she needed to be challenged more, and the only way to do that at the other school was to have her skip a grade. Our charter school allowed her to be challenged while remaining with her peers. For one thing, the whole school does math at the same time and the children are divided by ability, not grade. There are no slow math classes, just each child learning at his level. For another, the strong academic focus was a great fit.

Oooh- give me [homework] tips! We start Back to School next week, and I'm not ready for the Homework chaos! We have a snack after school, then they do homework. they used to sit together at the kitchen table, but then they started poking each other and writing on each other's papers, and,chatting instead of working. Now they each go to a separate room, and I rotate if they need any help. One of them still sat there for literally hours not getting it done!

Remember, I don't have five boys, but I do have five kids in school this year. This is how we've made homework work at our house:

* Homework is done right after school. To do it later is just not an option. This gives everyone an incentive to get it done in a decent amount of time. There are no battles about this, because we've had this as the rule ever since we had a child in school.

* Homework is done at the tables in the kitchen. This year, I added another table so the kids could spread out a bit and work.


* Kindergartners (I have two this year, can you believe it?) do their homework with the other kids. This way, they get to come home, put their things away and have some play time before focusing on school again. They also get to feel part of something, as they sit at the table doing homework with their older brothers and sister.

* Like Jacki, we give out "homework snacks." I think it's important that they be called "homework snacks" so that there is at least one positive thing associated with homework! I've been making a small batch of cookies a lot this year for snacks, or we have crackers, fruit, granola bars, or whatever they can find.

* As much as possible, my kids are responsible for their own homework. I don't hover and I don't help unless they absolutely need it. Unless I'm asked by one of them for help, I don't check over their math, I don't correct their spelling or grammer, and I don't concern myself with their grades being perfect. The teachers at our school are all really good at expecting the kids to be accountable, so I leave most things between my child and the teacher. For instance, if my child forgets their homework at school, they are responsible for figuring out a solution to the problem.

* Going along with the above, one of my gripes about homework is when the teacher expects the parent to do too much. Except in the early grades, when perhaps they'll need help reading the directions, or in the cases of a child struggling in a certain subject, I really think homework ought to be something that children can do independently. I'm still trying to figure out why I have to sign my fifth grade daughter's planner every day, but I guess that's a small annoyance, and since it's my daughter who finds me a pen and shoves the planner in my face every day, I guess it's still her doing the work.

* As for fighting and poking and gabbing, I don't really have that problem right now, so I don't have any advice for it.

Anyone else have some suggestions?

Organizing all our shoes--Works for ME Wednesday

A while back Lots of Kids showed a GREAT shoe organizing idea. As usual, I filed away the idea & hoped to find a way to incorporate it into our house. I haven't yet found the perfect place for that idea, but I did recently figure out a shoe organizing system that works for me!
I bought this 4 shelf wire rack at Target or Walmart on the organizing isle. It fits perfectly behind our front door & as an added bonus it keeps the kids from being able to slam the door into the wall. The kids are supposed to put their shoes on the rack as soon as they come inside, this doesn't always happen. Lucky for me, my 2 yr old & 4 yr old LOVE to go around the house finding everyones shoes & putting them in their "home".

For more Organizing Week Works for Me Wednesday visit We are THAT Family.

A really cool device for pantry organization....ENTER to win!!

I have become obsessed with winning things from blogs. I spend at least an hour each day looking through blogs & entering to win products. I consider this to be an hour that is well spent, so far I have won some REALLY great stuff & in the process I have also discovered some products that work well for my family that I had never heard of before entering the giveaway.

This organizer would be fantastic in my pantry!!! Actually I probably need several of them.


Go to Is that a Garage Door on my Ceiling? to learn more about this great product & if you hurry you can enter to win it....Giveaway ends Sept 1st!!!

The Clothing Shuffle

(written in May 2009, crossposted from my blog, Hands Full & Loving It)

A few weeks ago, DH & I were at Payless Shoes during their BOGO sale. When we found a nice pair of all-brown gender-neutral shoes for less than six dollars, we began searching the shelves for the same shoe in other sizes (our school requires all brown or all black shoes). We were stacking the boxes five or six high when a sales lady came and gave us a funny look.

"We have seven kids," we said.

The light when on, and she began helping us look. Size 12, 13, 1, 2, 3, 4, how about 13 1/2?

We left the store with over ten pairs of shoes, two or three of which will be used now. The rest will be saved for next year, or the next, or the next. With seven kids, at some point, the shoes are bound to fit SOMEONE.

Here's where the shoes go, for now, lined up in order of size:


I've also got several boxes, not shown, of used-but-still-okay shoes, mostly sorted by size.

I like to buy early and buy on sale. I'm always looking for a clothing deal and I buy in advance. If I stay on top of it, our clothing budget stays reasonable and my kids always have clothes, shoes, and coats to wear. If I forget, like I did once in the fall when the weather turned cold and I realized I had five kids who had outgrown their coats, then I'm stuck paying whatever price the stores want to charge (that time? $150). I've since stocked up on coats ($5 or $6 each on clearance) and keep them lined up by size in the closet of our spare room.

In our old home, when we didn't have a storage space, I'd keep a box on the floor in each bedroom closet labeled, "Outgrown." In the boys' room, I had a box labeled, "Between Joey and Micheal," another labeled "For Joey to grow into," and a third for clothes outgrown by Michael. In the girls' room, I had four boxes, one of clothes the twins had outgrown and one for things they could grow into soon, and the same for Lillian. The box for outgrown clothes I kept fairly accessible so I could simply toss an item in anytime I found it no longer fit or was out of season and was going to be too small by the time it was in season again.

I don't save every item; my standard is if I wouldn't buy it if I saw it at a thrift shop, then I give it away.

At my current home, I'm blessed to have a nice storage room, with shelves for our outgrown clothes. Now I sort it all by size and by gender. I have three shelves. The top is for uniform clothes, the middle for girl clothes, the bottom for boy clothes. For gender neutral shorts and jeans, I try to just put the item in the gender of the child who will fit into it next. So, for instance, size 5 shorts Michael's outgrown go in the Girls 5T box.



It doesn't always look this nice, but since I just did the spring clothing shuffle, it's pretty organized.

How do you handle the clothing shuffle?

"Can I Color, Mommy?"

I hear those words often at my house, and I don't know about you, but kids' art supplies can get SO messy. Crayons never quite make it back into their box, marker lids are easily lost, and kids are often raiding my stash of pens and pencils so that just when I need one, I can't find it.

We solved some of these problems a couple years ago by introducing each child to their own "art bin." We keep them in the office closet for them to pull out and bring to the kitchen table when they want to color. Inside is a notebook, some paper, coloring books, and a pencil box to hold their own art supplies. Every six months or so, when the bin gets overflowing and the crayons and colored pencils are mixed in with the layers of papers, we go through and purge a lot of the extra papers, and organize again the crayons, markers, and other supplies.

On my "to do" list all summer has been to re-organize the kids' art bins. Last week, I was happy I'd put it off, because I found these great baskets at our local Buy Low for 88 cents! I picked up seven of them and today some of the kids helped me set them up. And yes, I did make one for Harmony even though she's still too young to care. I figure that way, at least I will be able to find some supplies when I'm in quick need.


One of the problems with our old system is that the crayons and markers and such never ended up back in the pencil box. This will work better because there's no opening and closing or digging through to find things. Just a sweet little handle and everything's at their fingertips.


Everyone got crayons, kid scissors, colored pencils, a small pencil sharpener and watercolor paint in their bin. The older three kids also got glue and markers (I've found Sarah and Allison just will not put those lids back on, no matter how many reminders I give them).

Their old bins are still there, but they only have paper, stickers, and coloring books in them now.

How do you organize your coloring supplies?

Cross posted from my blog, Hands Full and Loving It

What's the biggest challenge of having a large family?

I recently asked readers of my blog if they had any questions for me. I got lots of them and I've been taking time to answer them the last two weeks. I thought this question was particularly interesting and I'd love to hear from other moms of large families about your biggest challenge -- is it the same as mine or do you find something else to be more difficult?

The question:

What is the biggest challenge you face with large family? I can imagine the logistics are daunting - finding cars big enough to fit everyone, figuring out how to get everyone where they need to be and when, cooking, cleaning, finding the time to get it all done, while still having a little time for yourself, too.

This is a hard one for me to answer. There's lots of challenges with having a large family, but which is the biggest?

I thought about writing about the loneliness I feel sometimes as a mother of a large family. I have a few close friends who also have their hands full, but otherwise, I usually feel I'm headed down a path with very few mentors to guide me. I know personally only a few women who have more children than I do. I sometimes wish I had a list of a dozen mothers who had done this before that I could call with my questions. But I've also discovered that I can learn from lots of amazing women who have all sorts of family dynamics, from single to childless to married with lots of children.

Then I thought about the logistics, but I don't think it's a big issue; a lot of the work of a family has to be done whether you have one child or a dozen -- a meal has to be made every night, for instance, and it really doesn't take much longer to cook larger portions. Grocery shopping has to be done and while we buy more fruit, for instance, we probably don't buy it more often than a smaller family. Many of our summer activities don't take much more time either. Sure, it might take a bit longer for everyone to find their swimming suits and pool toys and the sunscreen takes longer to lather on more bodies, but once we get to the pool, everyone's entertained. And it takes no more time to take seven kids to the movies or the museum than it does to take one.

The constant messes everywhere and the way the housework multiplies can be a big challenge, but part of that in our house is a function of having our children so close together and so young. As they get older, I fully anticipate that getting the dishes done and cleaning the house will get easier, and that those many hands really will make light work.

In the meantime, though, another challenge I could address is the struggle of teaching a lot of kids how to be responsible and how to work. There's just not enough of me to go around during our work periods sometimes and it is tough to take the individual time to train the younger children while simultaneously waging a battle with a certain older child who thinks that because he hates to work, he shouldn't have to. But even there, I find it can be done, not perfectly, but it's happening. I'm learning to be more creative and find new solutions to various problems. While that is an issue that is occupying a large bit of my emotional energy this summer, it probably isn't the biggest challenge.

A lot of people assume that the biggest challenge in a large family is finding individual time for each child, but I haven't found that to be very difficult at all. I'm home, available, and sensitive to the needs of each child, and my husband is also very involved. All of my children are loved and cherished. We are constantly telling each one why we love her or what a great kid he is. I thank my children for what they do for our family and I apologize when I make mistakes. I praise them each for the good things they do and I express my confidence in them. We pray for each of our children by name daily and try hard to be in tune to their needs. And frankly, my children get a lot of attention and love from each other. Harmony lights up when her sisters gather around her to talk to her and tickle her. Eliza loves tagging after the twins as they explore outside. Michael's reading improved tenfold the last half of first grade because an older brother took time to encourage and listen to him read every night. Lillian came over to me at the pool yesterday and asked me to take one of the twins down the waterslide, "so I can have an excuse to play with Harmony." My children are blessed to be loved by many siblings as well as their parents.

I've read criticisms of large families that divide up the hours in the day by the number of children and then say, "See, there's only x amount of minutes available in that family per child. That's not enough time." That kind of thinking is just plain wrong. Children are not an assembly line or a formula. You don't divide up your day and say, "Okay, child #4, it's now your turn for 'quality time!' " Being together, working, playing, or relaxing, nourishing relationships both individually and collectively, happens in all the hours in a day, whether you are focused on it or not. Most of the moments I cherish with my children happen while we are pursuing other goals; while we're outside pulling weeds and one comes over to show me their full bucket and grins as I exclaim over the size of those weeds and their intact roots, for instance, or when I find that one time this week when my son cleaned his zone without complaining and I praise him to the skies. I love listening to Lillian read the scriptures in the morning while I gather three little girls on my lap and whisper to them how lucky I am to have three special girls. Michael is a grouch in the mornings and lately, he hasn't wanted to come out. So my husband goes in, pulls him out upside-down by his feet and swings him around. He laughs and says, "Do it again, Daddy!" Lillian and Joey both love to go on walks with me in the evenings, and I love having them one of them all to myself for those forty minutes or so, hearing their thoughts and enjoying their individuality. Sometimes we've had really amazing conversations and other times we don't find much to talk about at all. The joys of mothering come in moments, and there are lots of unspectacular ones that add up to nourished children, children who feel securely loved by all of their family, not just their mom or dad.

Some of the other challenges I considered and discarded are carving out time for yourself, handling exhaustion and lack of sleep, dealing with challenging children, or developing the patience and unselfishness needed in a large family. But even these are not the hardest for me.

So what's left? What's harder than all of these? I might change my mind later, but I think the hardest thing for me right now is coming to peace with the fact that nothing will ever be done as well as I want it to be. It's probably a problem felt universally by mothers, but I feel it keenly. I have a good friend who has six children. Every so often, we call each other and cry out, "I'm drowning!" It's easy to get buried by the household tasks alone. I've been mopping my floors once a week for the last month, but if you walked in at any given moment, you'd probably think they hadn't been mopped in months. The piles of laundry that multiply on their own. The kitchen -- sometime I'd like to do a photo essay on how messy that room gets and how quickly. I feel like I could spend all day just cleaning the kitchen and still not have it up to my standards. On top of the cleaning, there's the hundreds of little things that have to be done to maintain the household. The lightbulbs to be switched, the repairman to be called, the bill that needs to be clarified. Then there's the important nurturing tasks of raising children. Reading to them, helping with homework, helping them to be responsible with chores, plus mundane things like making sure their fingernails are clipped and that there are enough socks in the house without holes in them. Realizing that almost every pair of pants one son owns has holes in the knees but that as it's January, it's neither warm enough for him to go to school in shorts nor the right time of year for school uniform pants to be on sale. The little frustrating things can add up to big feelings of failure if we allow them to. My friend Michelle, a mother of nine, wrote a great post on her blog about this very issue, entitled, "Good Enough," about how important it is to come to terms with not having the perfect, clean house you dream about.

Beyond the household, homemaking tasks are the many pursuits that have to be put aside for the time being. It's so easy for women, and it's almost become a cliche, to compare our weaknesses to one another's strengths. Even if you're good at something, there's always someone who is better. I have a long list of hobbies I really want to be good at, if only I had the time to pursue them, along with a list of friends who are much, much better at those things than me. There's blogging (Kacy), photography (Chalice, Toni), writing (Katie), exercise (Kelli), Photoshop (pretty much everyone who posts on the digiscrapping galleries I don't have time to frequent anymore), scrapbooking (Angie), and even birthing babies (Rachel). Then there's the intangible qualities I want to develop. My friend Rachel has a serenity, patience, and dedication to her children that I admire and seek to emulate. I admire Kelly for the way she makes everyone feel important and special. Meradith is really good at enjoying her marriage. Allison deals with tough challenges with grace and humor.

While it's good to admire and appreciate other's gifts and talents, it is wrong to discount our own and become discouraged. Part of my struggle with life is being content with my place at this point in time. Knowing intellectually and feeling deeply that the work I'm doing with my family is important helps me to be patient with myself and all the things I don't have time for right now. The closer I come to my Heavenly Father, the more I feel my own worth and the blessing of where I am and what I'm doing with my life. I know it sounds trite, but "bloom where you are planted," is a true principle -- that little spot of earth is the place you've been given. Thrive in it. If you can learn from other people things that help you, do so, but don't compare and get down on yourself. Be your own kind of person and be thankful for your own gifts.

So for me, my hardest challenge is constantly wanting to do and be more, but having to be content with less. Finding peace with "good enough," putting my priorities in proper order, and learning to be grateful for what I've been given while still striving towards perfection. And above all, reminding myself constantly that the unseen, simple work of nurturing that takes up the majority of my efforts is worth all that I can give it.

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas to add? What's the biggest challenge you face, whatever the size of your family?

Clearing the mental clutter one small step at a time

As of late, I have felt like I am drowning in house work, homeschooling, meal planning, cooking, diaper changing, nursing, laundry and such. I know other people have done this with many children (we currently have five kiddos ages 7 and under) and surely I can do it and not lose my mind in the process. One step towards this is setting up systems for the whole family to participate in, to run every aspect of the household. One such system is a chore system!

There is a semi-well known system called "Managers of Their Chores" by Steve and Teri Maxwell and that is what we're basing our system off of. My children have always been expected to participate in taking care of the house, but using this system I will no longer be having to remind them DAILY of things they should know to do without my reminding them. We have started today with just morning chores which involve making beds, brushing teeth, setting the table for breakfast, surface cleaning the bathroom vanities and toilets, clearing off and wiping the table, putting dishes in the dishwasher and putting pj's away. This morning ran smoothly because all I had to say to the children was "did you do all the chores on your chore cards?" and once they completed everything, I just did a quick check. Nothing was forgotten and I didn't have the stress of a nagging feeling that something was left undone.

We'll keep using just the morning chore cards for the next week and then add on afternoon cards and so on. One less item on my proverbial task list in my head. How wonderful! I highly recommend having a chore system and clean at least one more thing from your mental clutter list :D

"Trigger" Tasks

I was reading the blog over at LargerFamilies.com. Meagan Francis was talking about "must-dos" around the house. Basically, her assessment was that there are certain chores and/or areas around the house that a person finds particularly important, and when they are not done to liking, it can lead to a lot of stress.

Now, this is something I have realized about myself for years. It's something my husband is aware of (about me), since he has seen my mood turn from day to night in the course of a few minutes when my must-dos are not done. However, I found the timing of Meagan's particularly funny since I had just talked about this very thing with my daughter last week.

For me, it's not so much a "must-do" but a "trigger" (though Meagan does actually refer to them as such in her post). I guess the difference is that I don't necessarily need to do them myself. I'll admit, there was a point in time where I would obsess on how a certain task was done--I really wanted it done a particular way and would freak if it wasn't done right. However, for my own sanity, I have let go of a lot of that. There are still moments I will go and re-do a chore someone did because I want it done a certain way, but for the mostpart I'm okay with a noble effort. If something is not done at all, that's another thing, and definitely triggers me.

I work out of the home. With a husband out of work, I'm now the sole breadwinner. I'm simply not home during the day, and thus my house never reaches a state of clean I like it to be. That said, I have accepted the fact that I have 8 kids. I'm really okay with a home that looks "lived in." I have resigned myself to the fact there is always going to be a level of clutter. Dirty laundry, a sinkful of dishes, toys all over my bed...I can handle that. However, if I come home to a messy living room, watch out. On the flip side, the house can look like a tornado hit it, but if the living room is tidy, I'm all smiles...mostly.

Last week I came home to find another cyclone had breezed through the front room. As the kids were still cowering from my wrath, the conversation I had with my daughter was pretty funny. I simply said to her, "You know that I flip out over a dirty living room. You would think it would make YOUR life easier if you had it clean every day when I got home."

Tht next day it was clean when I came home. The following day it was a mess.

Another thing that bugs me are messy floors. I can live with clutter, as long as I can walk through a room. I mean, the bathroom is a prime example. I honestly don't care if the sink is messy, but I hate coming in to find clothes all over and empty toilet paper tubes strewn around. I mean, the hamper is right there and the garbage can is over there. No excuse. My problem is, I refuse to pick it up--I want my kids to. Unfortunately, that means me getting upset every time I go in there and still see it a mess. *sigh*

Despite the occasional blowing of my top, I have to admit things are getting easier around the homefront. My kids are getting older and they are better at cleaning independently. They don't mind (much) pitching in. Plus, they really are starting to figure out that doing a little to keep certain areas tidy can save a lot of stress--on both our parts--later.

So, do you have any household triggers? And on the flip-side, what part of the house can be a mess and it *doesn't* freak you out? For me, it's my bedroom. Why? Because it is always the catch-all and I am used to it being messy. In fact, I'm more surprised when it stays clean for any length of time!

***Edited to add: I don't know how it happened, but Blogger posted an older version of this entry where the last line was cut-off. Have to admit, I'm usually bad about proofing and typos. However, this time I really read and re-read to make sure it was clean, and then Blogger goes and does me in! Sorry!***

A Tough Time

When I heard that there was a new outbreak of the Swine Flu, I have to admit my response was more of weariness than concern. Now, I'm not downplaying the seriousness of the situation at all. It's a dangerous flu and people have died--that's not good at all. However, over the last couple of months my family has been wracked with one illness after another. Stomach bugs, flu bugs, and severe chest colds. There was one brutal week where literally everyone was so sick there was no one available to play nurse to the others. This culminated in me and 2 of my daughters getting pneumonia a few weeks ago. So, when the Swine Flu news hit, it was more of an "oh no, not more sickies" from me than anything else.

I am sharing this because I know this blog has been a bit slow over the last couple of months. It's been a hard time for my family, as well as some of our other bloggers. Juggling a large crew is difficult enough. Throw in illness and general economic woes and things get even more harried. So, please forgive the quietness around here. It wasn't intentional, and we don't mean it to be permanent. I'm hopeful that this current flu will not turn into the horror story that it could and that soon everyone will be enjoying warm summer weather and be healthy...and blogging again.

I want to thank everyone who has been following this blog for your patience and continued support. We are working on getting things together and having more regular posts. We also hope to do a few interactive things with our readers--so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, remember to wash your hands and keep safe until this latest threat has passed.

***This message is cross-posted on the various LOK Blogs.***

P.S. I have to admit to avoiding a bit of talk about the LOK Household Challenge. It turned out a collosal failure. Many people indicated they would be joining in, but at the end, no one found time to do it. I am hopeful to try that challenge again in the warmer summer months. Until then, we're working on another one and will be posting it soon.

Simplifying Bed Sheets

Washing and dealing with bedding can take a lot of time. To simplify things around here, we do the following:

1. Except for my oldest daughter, age 9, we only use fitted sheets and mattress pads plus blankets on our children's beds. It simplifies daily bed-making considerably, as all that's needed is to either spread the blanket over the bed or fold it and place it at the foot of the bed. It also takes up a lot less room in the washer to wash a child-sized quilt or blanket rather than a bulky comforter.

2. We wrap our mattresses like a cocoon, with layer after layer of waterproof mattress pad and fitted sheets. I stocked up on washable waterproof mattress pads last time they were 60% off at Shopko (make sure you buy the washable kind; I've had some that fell apart in the dryer, even on low heat), and recently bought lots of nice fitted sheets for $1.99. On one son's bed right now, I have 5 layers!

This way, when it's time to wash the sheets, I only have to peel off one fitted sheet and one pad to wash, leaving a new set underneath clean and ready to go. Believe me, when a child throws up in the middle of the night, the last thing you want to do is tussle around putting new sheets on their bed.

One mom I know swears by buying only white sheets for all her beds so that she can bleach them and make them last longer, but I've yet to try that tip!

Note: Cross-posted on my blog, Hands Full and Loving It (Mostly)